THE D IS SILENT

djangounchainedDJANGO UNCHAINED (2012)
4 and a half out of 5 stars

Jamie Foxx plays Django, a freed slave who travels with bounty hunter, Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz) to free his wife, Broomhilda (Kerry Washington) from a cruel plantation owner (Leonardo DiCaprio).

Since it opened last December in the USA, Singaporeans waited three months before it showed on the big screen and it is spectacular. Bloody mess, check. Humour, check. Badassery, check. What’s not to like?

Speaking about humour, the scene involving the KKK and their cut-out masks was really funny. There they were trying to be all macho and white supremacist, but they were all complaining about a mask they were too lazy to cut their own eye holes. To me, the most disturbing scene was the Mandingo fighting scene. That was really unbearable compared to the shootout and bloodshed towards the end of the movie. Got to see Walton Goggins as the villain and oh, he does not end well. Leonardo DiCaprio was menacingly good as the plantation owner, Calvin Candie. Did you know he continued acting the dinner table scene even though his hand was bleeding after smashing into glass? That cut was used in the movie and that blood you see on Broomhilda’s face – it is Leo’s real blood. RESPECT for him and please, he deserves an Oscar ASAP!

Dr. King Schultz: How do you like the bounty hunting business?
Django: Kill white people and get paid for it? What’s not to like?

LIFE IS THE MOST SPECTACULAR SHOW ON EARTH

WATER FOR ELEPHANTS (2011)
– 3 and a half out of 5 stars 

Based on the novel by Sara Gruen, Robert Pattinson stars as Jacob Jankowski, an aspiring vet who drops out of Cornell after his parents died in a car accident. He stowaways on a train with the Benzini Brothers circus, owned by August Rosenbluth (Christoph Waltz). During one of the performances, Jacob is instantly captivated by the beautiful Marlena (Reese Witherspoon), August’s wife and star performer. Trouble starts to brew when Jacob and Marlena bond over Rosie the elephant, the circus’ new starring act, and develop feelings for each other under the watchful eyes of August.

My first reaction after the movie ended: WOW. I thought the beauty of the circus and its acts were captured perfectly. Reese Witherspoon looked so graceful and elegant on the horses and on Tai, the elephant. Circus families are very tightly-knit and it’s pretty clear that they share a strong rapport with one another. When someone is in trouble, everyone reacts to help him.

The real star of the show has to be Tai! OMG she’s so smart! She can be quite playful too, especially when she thinks no one’s looking.

 Christoph Waltz played another scary, angry man (brilliantly) and the strangling scene reminded me of Inglourious Basterds, where he was strangling someone else. Remember, SAY NO TO ANIMAL ABUSE! Robert Pattinson was quite believable as a vet, and I didn’t think of him as a sparkly vampire throughout the movie (maybe it was because he was covered in dirt most of the time), and he speaks Polish!

A really beautiful film – go watch it!

HE’S TOO FAST FOR TV

THE GREEN HORNET (2011)
– 3 and a half out of 5 stars 

The Green Hornet is the alter-ego of Britt Reid (Seth Rogen), heir of The Daily Sentinel after his father died of an allergy. The town’s gangs are under the control of Chudnofsky (Christoph Waltz), whom his late father was trying to expose. Britt convinces his “executive associate”-slash-sidekick Kato (Jay Chou), that they should pose as criminals while fighting crime so as to infiltrate them.

Wow, this is the first 2011 film I’ve seen in 2011! That’s because most of the films that are showing now have already been released in 2010.

Britt Reid: Kato, I want you to take my hand and I want you to come with me on this adventure.
Kato: I’ll go with you but I don’t want to touch you.

Anyway, the Black Beauty is pretty impressive – it’s almost indestructible, hasthat Ben-Hur shit and can even operate on just its front wheels. One amusing thing to note is that all the switches on board are written in Chinese! Jay Chou does get quite a few funny one-liners and his English isn’t all that bad, except for that much publicized “thumting”. Christoph Waltz as Chudnofsky is hilarious because he’s a gangster who seems offended whenever people insult his dress sense and finds it necessary to reinvent himself to become more relevant(Bloodnofsky, anyone?). I thought it was cute that they included the sushi USB drive in the ending – that cute little thing sure got many cars chasing after it. And a cameo by James Franco is always welcome!

Click HERE for more funny quotes!

Kato: We saved those people and all they talk about is this stupid head.

BASTERDS HAVE NAZI SCALPS ON DEBIT

INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS (2009)
–  4 out of 5 stars

Synopsis from the official website: In the first year of the German occupation of France, Shosanna Dreyfus witnesses the execution of her family at the hand of Nazi Colonel Hans Landa. Shosanna narrowly escapes and flees to Paris where she forges a new identity as the owner and operator of a cinema. Elsewhere in Europe, Lieutenant Aldo Raine organizes a group of Jewish American soldiers to perform swift, shocking acts of retribution. Later known to the enemy as “the basterds”, Raine’s squad joins German actress and undercover Bridget von Hammersmark on a mission to take down the leaders of the Third Reich. Fates converge under a cinema marquis, where Shosanna is poised to carry out a revenge plan on her own… Employing pulp and propaganda in equal measure, Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds weaves together the infamous, oppressed, real and larger-than-life stories of WWII.

The movie was fantastic! Though I won’t say it’s anyone’s cup of tea… The shocking part would be the scalping; it’s the first time I have seen scalping in action and so many scalp-ed heads. It’s funny at parts and you find yourself rooting for the Basterds as they are somehow smarter and still manage to instill fear into the Nazis with their “Bear Jew”. The scariest character would be Hans Landa, cos he seems to be able to smell anything remotely fishy that doesn’t reek of fish at all with his ultra keen senses. Beware. He ended up with “something he could not take off”, courtesy of Aldo Raine (Brad Pitt), which the latter says is his finest work yet. Also, B.J. Novak aka Ryan from The Office stars as one of the Basterds! More scalping!