GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY JORDANS!

whitehousedownWHITE HOUSE DOWN (2013)
3 and a half out of 5 stars

John Cale (Channing Tatum), hoping to impress his his daughter, Emily, brings her for a tour at the White House during this interview for the Secret Service. However, a bomb detonates and father and daughter are separated while the White House is overtaken by a paramilitary group. It is up to John to save his daughter and the President (Jamie Foxx) when this turns out to be an inside job.

How many movies can you make about the White House? See: Olympus Has Fallen. Anyway, I didn’t catch that so I won’t be able to tell you which one is better though both Gerard Butler and Channing Tatum are plausible bodyguards/action heroes.

There’s never a dull moment and if you’re not worried about Channing Tatum, you’re worried about Joey King, who plays Emily. She is a prime example of our generation – using technology even though we are in mortal danger. Her final act really saved the day. That was a really smart move! Tatum and Foxx are quite a good team and even though they are being chased by big bad guys with big bad guns, they still have time to joke about and make sarcastic remarks. Lance Reddick from Fringe also stars along with Jason Clarke, last seen in Zero Dark Thirty and Gatsby.

President Sawyer: There’s some knives in the kitchen.
John Cale: Great. You can make me a sandwich.

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THE D IS SILENT

djangounchainedDJANGO UNCHAINED (2012)
4 and a half out of 5 stars

Jamie Foxx plays Django, a freed slave who travels with bounty hunter, Dr. King Schultz (Christoph Waltz) to free his wife, Broomhilda (Kerry Washington) from a cruel plantation owner (Leonardo DiCaprio).

Since it opened last December in the USA, Singaporeans waited three months before it showed on the big screen and it is spectacular. Bloody mess, check. Humour, check. Badassery, check. What’s not to like?

Speaking about humour, the scene involving the KKK and their cut-out masks was really funny. There they were trying to be all macho and white supremacist, but they were all complaining about a mask they were too lazy to cut their own eye holes. To me, the most disturbing scene was the Mandingo fighting scene. That was really unbearable compared to the shootout and bloodshed towards the end of the movie. Got to see Walton Goggins as the villain and oh, he does not end well. Leonardo DiCaprio was menacingly good as the plantation owner, Calvin Candie. Did you know he continued acting the dinner table scene even though his hand was bleeding after smashing into glass? That cut was used in the movie and that blood you see on Broomhilda’s face – it is Leo’s real blood. RESPECT for him and please, he deserves an Oscar ASAP!

Dr. King Schultz: How do you like the bounty hunting business?
Django: Kill white people and get paid for it? What’s not to like?

MEN SEEKING MEN

HORRIBLE BOSSES (2011)
– 3 and a half out of 5 stars

Nick (Jason Bateman), Kurt (Jason Sudeikis) and Dale (Charlie Day) are three friends who believe they have the worst bosses anyone could possibly have. They hatch a plan to kill their bosses and things start to go wrong after they take the advice from someone in the “most dangerous bar”.

Bobby Pellitt: You can fire Professor Xavier.
Kurt: You mean Hank.
Bobby Pellitt: Creeps me out, rolling around all day in his special, little secret chair.

There’s simply too many hilarious moments in this movie to count. The part where Jamix Foxx describes how he got his name, Motherfucker Jones? The part where Jason Sudeikis places the entire bathroom up his ass? The part where Charlie Day gets high on coke, sings “That’s Not My Name” and his tiny jabs?

Also, Colin Farrell and Jennifer Aniston played characters that were way off! Farrell looks weird (hello, combover!) and his comments about a colleague in a wheelchair was outrageous! Aniston was just talking dirty all the time and it’s a bit disconcerting to hear but it’s even more shocking to watch her when she tries to seduce Dale. And it’s so cute because Charlie Day’s voice gets really squeaky when he’s nervous!

Some other familiar faces were John Francis Daley (Sweets from Bones), Ioan Gruffudd and Julie Bowen (Modern Family). Gruffud’s cameo was the funniest! WET WORK!

STAY FOR SOME OUTTAKES DURING THE CREDITS!

BIRDS VERSUS MONKEYS

RIO (2011)
– 3 and a half out of 5 stars

Blu (Jesse Eisenberg) is a domesticated blue macaw that has been living with his owner, Linda, for the past fifteen years. A chance meeting with Túlio, an ornithologist, brings them all to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil where Blu needs to mate with a female, Jewel (Anne Hathaway), in order to save his species. Trouble ensues when smugglers are after them and while Jewel yearns to escape, she learns that Blu cannot fly.

Rafael: Just tell her “you have beautiful eyes”.
Blu: (to Jewel) I have beautiful eyes.

OMG JESSE EISENBERG IS SUCH A CUTE BLUE MACAW. I think his real life awkwardness totally translates into Blu, which is absolutely adorable. The other characters like Rafael the Toucan and Luiz the Bulldog are equally funny. I like Luiz’s fruity get-up for the carnival and his saliva can actually be used as a form of lubricant! Nigel the Cockatoo is brilliant as the villain and he constantly antagonizes the other birds and monkeys. One of my favourite parts was the fight and they announced “BIRDS VERSUS MONKEYS!” The way these animals fight is so damn hilarious!

Both Jesse Eisenberg and Anne Hathaway contributed to the soundtrack! Though it’s not the first time we’ve heard Hathaway sing, it’s definitely the first time I heard Eisenberg sing! OMG he sounds so awkward – I like!

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE OF COFFEE

DUE DATE (2010)
– 3 out of 5 stars 

It’s been a long time since I posted a review and here it is!

Peter Highman (Robert Downey Jr.) is on his way back to Los Angeles to be present at the birth of his first child. He has an unfortunate encounter with Ethan Tremblay (Zach Galifianakis), a stranger he met at the entrance of the airport, which leaves both of them put on the no-fly list. Reluctantly, Peter takes a 2000 mile road trip with Ethan to L.A. aka Hollywood and hilarity ensues.

The funniest LOL moment was the coffee! The audience erupted in laughter! And I find Ethan’s gait very amusing – he has excellent posture! Though it was directed by the man behind last year’s hit The Hangover, it isn’t as funny because some parts are rather draggy. Ethan’s French bulldog, Sunny, literally takes the phrase “like owner, like dog” to another level.

LOVE CANNOT BE PLANNED

VALENTINE’S DAY (2010)
– 3 and a half out of 5 stars

I saw Valentine’s Day and I think it’s slightly better than New York, I Love You!

It’s another anthology of love stories, people connected in one way or another – friends, colleagues, lovers, strangers etc. Except that this movie happens all in a day – Valentine’s Day. There are many familiar faces – Julia Roberts, Jennifer Garner, Ashton Kutcher, Jessica Biel, Anne Hathaway, Bradley Cooper, Patrick Dempsey, Eric Dane, Taylor Swift, Taylor Lautner, Jessica Alba, etc. Only thing is happy beginnings didn’t turn out to be happy endings, while not-so-happy beginnings turn out happier.

There is the mini-competition between McDreamy (Dempsey) and McSteamy (Dane) – I choose McSteamy cos McDreamy still plays a boring doctor who does the worst thing ever! There’s the bimbotic Taylor Swift who dots every sentences with “like…” and dances like a crazy girl. The story revolving around the other teenage couple – Emma Roberts and Carter Jenkins – were super funny! They were planning to have sex during lunch and it all goes wrong when Stone’s mother comes back and sees him – almost naked! Anne Hathaway is very interesting with the use of weird accents and the creative use of rubber bands – *snap* while part-timing as a adult phone entertainer. Jennifer Garner totally rocks as a waitress (chopped pig’s testicles, anyone?) and with the baseball bat! 


And here’s my favourite quote from the movie/trailer:

Reporter: So, how do you guys feel about each other?
Felicia: Oh my gosh, I totally love him!
Willy: And I’m crazy about her.
Felicia: See, I even wrote his number in my hand.
Reporter: There you have it, young love. Full of promise, full of hope, ignorant of reality.