HE’S TOO FAST FOR TV

THE GREEN HORNET (2011)
– 3 and a half out of 5 stars 

The Green Hornet is the alter-ego of Britt Reid (Seth Rogen), heir of The Daily Sentinel after his father died of an allergy. The town’s gangs are under the control of Chudnofsky (Christoph Waltz), whom his late father was trying to expose. Britt convinces his “executive associate”-slash-sidekick Kato (Jay Chou), that they should pose as criminals while fighting crime so as to infiltrate them.

Wow, this is the first 2011 film I’ve seen in 2011! That’s because most of the films that are showing now have already been released in 2010.

Britt Reid: Kato, I want you to take my hand and I want you to come with me on this adventure.
Kato: I’ll go with you but I don’t want to touch you.

Anyway, the Black Beauty is pretty impressive – it’s almost indestructible, hasthat Ben-Hur shit and can even operate on just its front wheels. One amusing thing to note is that all the switches on board are written in Chinese! Jay Chou does get quite a few funny one-liners and his English isn’t all that bad, except for that much publicized “thumting”. Christoph Waltz as Chudnofsky is hilarious because he’s a gangster who seems offended whenever people insult his dress sense and finds it necessary to reinvent himself to become more relevant(Bloodnofsky, anyone?). I thought it was cute that they included the sushi USB drive in the ending – that cute little thing sure got many cars chasing after it. And a cameo by James Franco is always welcome!

Click HERE for more funny quotes!

Kato: We saved those people and all they talk about is this stupid head.

IGNORE THE WORLD

不能说的秘密 SECRET (2007)
– 3 and a half out of 5 stars 

I watched Secret on Monday! Have been debating on whether to watch it or not until SZ convinced me to.

Supposedly based on an ideal version of one’s first love, its innocence is truly captivating. Jay Chou’s piano skills are amazing; long nimble fingers tapping the ivory keys is a sight for those who are not musically-inclined (that’s me). The chemistry shared between Jay Chou and Kwai Lun-Mei brings out the essence of the movie and at the end, you will be rooting for them to be together. Even the school caretaker’s understanding of this whole Secret is heartwarming.

WILD BERRIES

CURSE OF THE GOLDEN FLOWER (2006)
– 4 out of 5 stars

 This is one of the few Mandarin movies I watched in the cinemas.

Grand props, lots and lots of extras in extravagant outfits, exciting fight scenes and over-spilling cleavage. I seriously wonder how the palace maids and all the other women go about their daily life with more than half of their boobs on display and I suppose these people were selected based on their cup size? Unexpectedly, or maybe expectedly, there were funny parts. One, Jay Chou looks and acts funny sometimes but I think his martial arts skills are not bad. So maybe he should do more than say more?? Two, I think people draped in gold and formal wear shouldn’t be donned with berries. [Note the pictures above] The effect is damn funny – serious looking people with berries on their head. Gosh, I’ll never look at berries the same way again. Three, people in the army with feminine scarves. What? Too masculine, is it? I’m not the only one laughing. BUT, it’s ultimately a tragedy so the best is not to laugh or you’ll encounter weird looks when the lights are back on.