TO KISS OR KILL HIM

red2RED 2 (2013)
3 out of 5 stars

No one ever really retires, do they?

The group of Retired and Extremely Dangerous retirees are back this time to locate a nuclear weapon and prevent it from going off. It’s amazing how people of a certain age can still handle firearms with so much composure.

One of the best things is watching deal with able-bodied young men as if they were imbeciles. The next best thing is LEE BYUNG-HUN! He’s the youngest among them so he has the most action scenes. Eye candy!

Marvin: If there’s one thing I know, it’s women and covert operations.
Frank: Marvin, that’s two things.
Han Cho Bai: No, grasshopper. It is not.

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DON’T MESS WITH THE JOES

GIJoeR2G.I. JOE: RETALIATION (2013)
3 out of 5 stars

The Joes are back and they are after Cobra for killing their brothers and framing them for the theft of nuclear warheads. Roadblock (Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson), Lady Jaye (Adrienne Palicki) and Flint (D.J. Cotrona) are the only survivors and they seek help from former G.I. Joe, Joseph Colton (Bruce Willis).

OMG! Lee Byung Hun! Wow, look at his ripped body and katana skills! I feel so much Asian pride when I see him. To be in Hollywood at 42 years old! Can’t wait to see him in Red 2 this summer! Speaking of age, Bruce Willis is 58 and he still can kick ass. His house beats the house of Mr. and Mrs. Smith’s. The movie packs a lot of action and I love those scenes with Storm Shadow. Walton Goggins makes an appearance here but he still doesn’t have a happy ending. Oops.

WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, THEY DON’T

G.I. JOE: RISE OF COBRA (2009)
– 3 and a half out of 5 stars

Based on the comic books and cartoon series, G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra actually seems like a two-hour, live version of those cartoon episodes you see. Set in the not too distant future, a battle breaks out between the G.I. Joes (an elite military unit) and the Cobra organization when a nanotechnology-based warfare weapon is invented.

It’s an exciting show with lots of explosions, car chases, high-tech machinery and weaponry. The cast is an eyeful too. Ripcord is kinda funny and especially clumsy when in his Accelerator suit initally – all because he did not read the manual. The Baroness is quite hot (very well-endowed despite her scarily-thin legs) but I prefer Scarlett (with healthier-looking legs) and her weapon of choice – the ‘upgraded’ crossbow! But I guess, all eyes were on Storm Shadow (Lee Byung Hun) when he appeared! At least Iwas looking forward to it. He works for Cobra and regularly squares off against his ‘brother’, Snake Eyes, who’s working for the Joes. Everytime they do their ninja thing, I’m hooked.