NEON AND PINK MADNESS

SpringBreakers1SPRING BREAKERS (2013)
2 and a half out of 5 stars

The story revolves around four college girls who travel to Florida for their spring break. Things take a turn for the worst when they are arrested at a party and bailed out by Alien, a gangster and rapper who has his eyes on them.

There’s a lot of bikinis, booze, boobs and drugs in this movie. They are the ingredients for a fun and enjoyable spring break. Like I said earlier, things took a turn for the worst when Alien showed up. I don’t know what is it with James Franco but I don’t really like him as an actor anymore. He was all right in his earlier films (definitely not Oz the Great and Powerful) but here, not so much. Or, maybe, he was so convincing as a douchebag rapper, I dislike him.

The movie gravitated towards guns and violence and if it were up to me, the movie should have ended long time ago. That’s because I’m exactly Selena Gomez’s character – I will leave the party if it makes me uncomfortable. Of course the other girls didn’t take Selena’s lead and continued with their wild party and sang Britney Spears’ Everytime creepily.

SpringBreakers2

MAGIC AND ITS CONSEQUENCES

MIRROR MIRROR (2012)
– 2 and a half out of 5 stars 

This is one of two adaptations of Snow White coming out this year, and obviously, this is the lighter adaptation.

Armie Hammer is super dashing as the Prince and I can tell why the Queen (Julia Roberts) is at lost for words whenever he appears shirtless. The dwarves are more brutal and they really have character, even though some of them are smitten with Snow White. The ending was slightly different though I predicted it as soon as I saw the necklace (SPOILER?).

Like any Tarsem film, the colours are amazing and so are the costumes. One thing I didn’t get was the music video playing during the end credits. A little too Bollywood for my style.

WHEN THE TWO MOONS CONVERGE

YOUR HIGHNESS (2011)
– 2 and a half out of 5 stars

A medieval comedy revolving around two Princes – Prince Fabious and Prince Thadeous, and the adventure that awaits them when they set off to rescue Fabious’ bride-to-be, Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) from the evil wizard, Leezar (Justin Theoroux).

It’s pretty obvious this was gonna be a bad, mad movie but I wanted to watch it because the trailer made me laugh so badly – the part where James Franco got bitten and no one wanted to help him suck the venom out. LOL! Natalie Portman plays a fierce warrior who can hold her own, even better than the combined strength and wits of Thaddeus and Courtney, his hilarious and funny-looking sidekick.

Danny McBride and James Franco collaborated on Pineapple Expressand I have to say it was much funnier than this movie. There are plenty of lewd jokes (some that border the line of disgusting) and that prized souvenir from the minotaur that appears from the second half of the film can be rather distracting. Can’t believe they would rather banPineapple Express and bring this in instead. But oh well, it was a good laugh.

NOT THAT DRUNK

SOMETHING BORROWED (2011)
– 2 and a half out of 5 stars

Based on the novel by Emily Griffin, the story tests the boundaries of love and friendship when Rachel (Ginnifer Goodwin)spends the night with Dex (Colin Egglefield), her best friend Darcy’s (Kate Hudson) fiance. Thrown into the mix is Ethan (John Krasinski), Rachel and Darcy’s childhood friend who wants someone of his own.

Ethan: I can’t take this ‘Daddy beats me because he loves me’ excuse.

John Krasinski was hilarious in this movie! He’s got the best lines and jokes, and his facial expressions were the icing on the cake. Movie-wise, the crucial parts were more or less in the trailer so you’re mostly there to know the ending. I guess audiences are led to Team Rachel because it kinda describes Darcy as a friend-zilla. But you’ll never know because there’s a sequel to this story (Something Blue) that is written in Darcy’s point of view. Colin Egglesfield is easy on the eyes but he doesn’t seem to joke much, or at all. So yeah, I’m for John Krasinski!

STAY FOR AN EXTRA SCENE DURING THE CREDITS!

EMBRACE THE SUCK

BEASTLY (2011)
– 2 and a half out of 5 stars 

This is a modern version of Beauty and the Beast that takes place in New York City. Kyle Kingson (Alex Pettyfer) is a wealthy and arrogant student who offends Kendra, a goth-loving student and witch, with his words. To teach him a lesson, Kendra casts a spell that disfigures Kyle and tells him that he has one year to find love or he will forever remain disfigured.

OMG IT’S ALEX PETTYFER! Even when he became all tattooed and scarred, he still retained his abs – like WTH! Granted, his abs were also tattooed and scarred but you can still eat your dinner and do your homework on them. Neil Patrick Harris provides some comic relief as Kyle’s tutor.

But I still prefer the original animated version of Beauty and the Beastbecause I didn’t find the story really convincing. Watch only if you’re a true fan of Pettyfer (he’s working out at the opening scene), Vanessa Hudgens or you just want something light and fluffy.

REALITY IS A PRISON

SUCKER PUNCH (2011)
– 2 and a half out of 5 stars 

Set in the 1960s, it tells the story of a girl, Babydoll (Emily Browning), who had been committed to a mental institution by her stepfather after the deaths of her mother and sister. She retreats into her fantasies to cope with her reality and at the same time, find a way to escape.

First, she imagines herself at a brothel, where she befriends four dancers – Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish), Rocket (Jena Malone), Amber (Jamie Chung) and Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens). She convinces them that they can escape by collecting five items – a map, fire, a knife, a key and a fifth, unrevealed item that would require “great sacrifice”. While the girls are retrieving the items, Babydoll slips into another fantasy where the girls are fighting zombies, giants, dragons and robots.

Well, I have to say the movie isn’t for everyone because it’s kinda confusing and it didn’t really make much sense while I was watching it. It was only after reading the plot summary online that I finally understood what was going on. But the visual effects are really good, coming from the director of 300 and Watchmenand it translates into excellent poster art as well. I’m not sure if I like the twist at the end of the story, but I guess it’s part of what “sucker punch” means.

FEED DUCKS TOGETHER

RABBIT WITHOUT EARS 2 (2009)
–  2 and a half out of 5 stars

Zweiohrküken (Chicken With Two Ears or Rabbit Without Ears 2) is the sequel to 2007’s Keinohrhasen (Rabbit Without Ears). Til Schweiger and Nora Tschirner reprise their roles as Ludo and Anna, a couple who has been living together for the past two years. Ludo’s neglect of household responsibilities, Anna’s constant nagging and the re-appearances of their hot ex-es strains their relationship.

The titular character

This sequel lacks the sparkle the first film had though they do play out their gender cliches very well. One of the funniest part involves Ludo’s friend, Moritz, and a plastic bag of poo. It has nothing to do with the couple but the lengths he goes to to get it out of the toilet is OTT. There are some really lame pickup lines that Moritz learns from the “Flirt Academy” and he applies it in the most disastrous way. Ludo even dresses up in drag for a costume party and I must say he draws quite a number of wolf whistles for a guy his age (46 years old at time of filming). I’d say watch it for Til Schweiger – because he’s known as the Brad Pitt of Germany, who I think is hotter than Brad Pitt because he doesn’t look as “beardy”.

NOT SO SCHMUCK

DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS (2010)
– 2 and a half out of 5 stars

Dinner For Schmucks is loosely based on the French film Le Dîner de consIn order to secure his promotion, Tim Conrad has to bring a person with “talent” to a dinner organized by his boss. He meets Barry by accident and decides to bring him to the dinner. However, Barry’s appearance turns Tim’s life upside down.

Barry is a really interesting character because he’s into mice taxidermy and arranges them into elaborate dioramas, such as the “Mousa Lisa”. However, he can be really irritating at times because he doesn’t think much. It’s not the funniest show with Steve Carell and Paul Rudd in it but the final dinner scene is rather hilarious and the taxidermied mice are pretty cute.

KILLER BODIES

KILLERS (2010)
– 2 and a half out of 5 stars 

Saw Killers some time back and I think the trailer had the funny bits featured in the movie.

Jen visits France with her parents after a breakup and meets Spencer, with whom she falls in love and marries. Unknown to Jen, Spencer is a contract killer but has retired after he met Jen. Fast forward to three years later, they are happily married and living in suburbia. However, Spencer receives a letter from his former boss and soon he realizes that he has a bounty of $2 million on his head, and his colleagues, friends and neighbours are all coming after him.

The only funny part I remembered came from the trailer, where Jen was trying to conceal the gun under the trenchcoat. Even the ending is a little weird – when the guy who called the bounty on Spencer was revealed. Maybe the only thing worth looking out for is Katherine Heigl’s wardrobe and Ashton Kutcher’s hot bod. Look out for a cameo by Usher.