MISTERS “NOTHING PERSONAL” AND “EAT SHIT CAVIAR”

SAVAGES (2012)
3 out of 5 stars

Based on the novel by Don Winslow, it revolves around Ben (Aaron Johnson), Chon (Taylor Kitsch) and O (Blake Lively) and their lucrative marijuana business. They are literally living in paradise until a Mexican cartel offers them a deal they cannot afford to refuse. Things take a turn for the worse when O is kidnapped to force Ben and Chon to cooperate.

OMG JUST LOOK AT THEIR BODIES – BLAKE LIVELY, TAYLOR KITSCH AND AARON JOHNSON.

They were totally making full use of it at the beginning of the movie when O describes the loves of her life – Chon fucks but Ben makes love. Their business is really lucrative because an average day at the mall for O means getting a pair of Manolo Blahniks and other designer clothes and bags. O’s tattoos are simply beautiful – they accentuate her endless limbs.

It’s really about protecting your own ass and finding your enemy’s weakness to twist it to your advantage. It irks me that the bad guys were able to work both sides of the law! He totally deserved that knife to the hand!

There’s two endings (sort of) and the morbid side of me prefers the first one.

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I NEED A CHICKEN BURRITO

BATTLESHIP (2012)
– 4 out of 5 stars

This was a really cool movie! I liked it better than I expected, and it’s not just because Taylor Kitsch was inside.

Based on the Hasbro board game, an fleet of alien ships crashes into the seas of the Hawaiian islands during a naval exercise. These aliens turn out to be aggressive and the three ships trapped within the alien-constructed forcefield have to fight for the survival of the planet.

Alex Hopper: You’re gonna die, I’m gonna die, we’re all gonna die… Just not today.

Naval combat never looked so cool! At first the movie focused on what a slacker Alex Hopper (Kitsch) was and how he wasn’t utilizing his full potential. So it was really exciting to see him transform into the Captain when his ship, the USS John Paul Jones, was the last one standing. I liked it when Hopper and Nagata get together, from the start when the floor was “slippery” to the end when they fired shots at the alien ship.

Cora Raikes: Mahalo motherfucker.

Meanwhile, on the island, the aliens are taking over the satellite communications and we’re introduced to a wimpy NASA scientist, who provided lots of laughs as the geeky character. The ending was the one that blew my mind because there’s nothing hotter than veteran officers getting serious. Watch it to love it!

STAY TILL THE END OF THE CREDITS FOR AN EXTRA SCENE!

JUMP, VIRGINIA, JUMP!

JOHN CARTER (2012)
– 4 out of 5 stars

Well, it took quite a while for me to find a poster that featured Taylor Kitsch’s amazing abs. So let your eyes savour it!

Based on The Princess of Mars books by Edgar Rice Burroughs, it tells the story of how John Carter, a civil war survivor who gets transported into Mars, otherwise known to the natives as Barsoom. Little did he know that he just fled from one war to another. Warring tribes are fighting for control over Barsoom.

Wow this is a really good adventure movie. Even if it’s based on material way older than the generation now, I thought the magic was there. The characters are real and the good ones fight with integrity and honour. There’s humour and there’s romance too.You really want to root for John Carter as he fights off those blue-blooded alien lifeforms and help Helium and the Tharks stop Zodanga. Like Tars Tarkas, you can’t help but be amazed each time John Carter leaps into the air. And Woola, his alien pet, is really cute too. He really displays all the good qualities of a dog. He gets the award for cutest alien.

And how amazing is Taylor Kitsch?! Too bad he cut his signature locks after this movie, but his eyes convey so much more. But his hair matters. Lynn Collins doesn’t only look pretty, she fights well too. Coincidentally, they were both in X-Men Origins: Wolverine as Gambit and Silverfox. Plus, the actor Daryl Sabara who plays John Carter’s nephew, Ned, is Juni from the Spy Kids movies! How has he grown!

But according to this article, the plans for a sequel is zilch and it’s such a pity because it has been such a long time since I have truly enjoyed a movie, its story and its characters so much. Your loss, Disney.

PLAY THE HAND YOU’RE DEALT

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE (2009)
– 3 and a half out of 5 stars

Woohoo, here’s my last movie for April!

First of all, I want to say that the mutants are so good looking – the males are hot! Is it a prerequisite?

The movie focuses on how Wolverine became who he is with all the adamantium bonded onto his skeleton and lost his memories (and trying to get them back in the X-Men trilogy). You get to see his violent past complete with “bone claws”, as well as his relationship with another mutant, Silverfox. There’s lots of muscles, claws, and all sorts of weapons. As for the guys, there’s Daniel Henney as Agent Zero, looking suave shooting people. There’s Ryan Reynolds as Wade Wilson/Deadpool, good with his swords but bad with his mouth. Too bad both of them paid a price for their deeds, though I think Ryan Reynolds is too handsome for what he deserved at the end of the film!! Oh, there’s roguish-looking Gambit with his charged-playing cards, though I think I prefer the Gambit with the headband (like in the X-men cartoons).

One last thing: STAY TILL THE END OF THE CREDITS!